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Crushing on the same guy for the last three years... is it love?
Okai, I have another situation... PLEASE SPEND TIME TO READ THE WHOLE THING BECAUSE IT WILL GIVE YOU A BETTER UNDERSTANDING SO YOU CAN HELP ME...
About two or three years ago, I met this guy from St. Paul, Minnesota. Let's just call him Coconut. (Because I love anything coconut  ) When I first saw him, I thought he was so cute and adorable. Not only that, he had the personality. He liked a lot of things that I liked. When I first met him, it was at my cousin's wedding. At that time, he had a girlfriend. Well, later, I went back up for the July tournament, and that's when he found out that I liked him. He was single again. He also kept looking at me like he was interested. We would talk a little. Even later, he started to like me and the only thing that was stopping us from dating was long distance. Which I think that long distance shouldn't even be a problem if the two people are really commited in the relationship. Well, we'd tell my cousin what we thought about each other and stuff like that, then my cousin would tell us.
As time passed by, our----I don't wanna say love----liking relationship started to go down the damn drain... Well, at least his feelings for me anyway. That was when I finally figured that nothing was gonna happen between us and that maybe we were just meant to be good friends. As the years went by, I kept thinking about him. I still liked him and I didn't know what to do. Whatever I tried, I kept thinking about him. For instance, I even tried dating other guys, but I always compared them to him. They were nothing like him, and I just didn't have the feelings for them that I had for Coconut.
Well, one weekend, his father died. I felt so bad and sorry for him. I went up to St. Paul to his father's funeral. I saw him and he looked so sad. I didn't wanna pressure him anymore with love/like because I knew that I would make it worse because of what he was going through at the time. I was being nice... talked to him, walked with him, bought him things. And he was a total sweet heart about it. The thing is, he liked this other girl at the time too, and that just broke my heart. I tried to hide the feelings though (That's just me, I'll be like "Oh really? How cool!" when inside, I really feel like, "I'm so hurt... How can you do this to me?"). Anyways, he was being a sweetheart to me too, so I thought that maybe he still had a little something for me. Coconut's the kind of guy that doesn't really like to show his feelings. Even if he cares for someone deeply. That night, I went home and I told him to call me at my cousin's house because that's where I was going to be staying at. I swear to you that if you were me and you were talking, walking and doing what people who like each other do, you'd feel like he did like you. And he didn't want me to leave yet. He wanted me to stay with him, but I had to go (broke my heart to see him so sad). So that night, he called me and he was like, "I really want you here. Why'd you leave me? Can you come back?" I was so angry that I had to leave. Later, he called me again, and he was like, "Hey! The girl that I like is here. I want you to meet her." Right then, my heart hurt as if someone had stabbed a sharp knife right through my heart. It hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. Just the pain, made me cry and cry and cry. He let me go on the phone again, and I was crying like such a baby. I felt used to recover his pain and loss of his father. I felt like, the only reason why he was acting like he cared was because the girl wasn't there. I was second string. Trust me, if you've felt that deep pain like I did, you'd cry too. Luckily, I had my cousins and some boy friends of mine up there to comfort me that night. It was so hard to see him the next day. I didn't wanna talk to him, look at him, or anything. I left without a good bye and he knew that he hurt me so he didn't wanna say anything to me. When I came back home, I felt like doing nothing. I felt sick. My cousin called me later that week and told me what she had done to him. She had made him cry because she was bitching at him about how mean he was. Like I said earlier, I didn't wanna pressure him with our relationship because his father had just passed away. He was really hurt and I had done wrong by giving him pressure. After that, I really wanted to get things straight between us. I talked to him and he said that we were just good friends... Nothing more. 
I saw him a couple times after that incident and everytime I saw him, I was with a different guy. And he noticed. Maybe he knew that I was trying to get over him, or maybe he was jealous. Who knows...
Well, just this weekend, he came down. We were at a whole day meeting and we talked and he hung around me. We were all cool again. As if nothing had changed. Although, maybe our now 'friendship' was stronger. He's all sweet again and I love his personality to death. When I saw him, I wanted to run up to him and hug him so tight that he wouldn't be able to breathe for a few seconds. I wanted to kiss him forever! Believe it or not, I wanted to take him to bed with me!  I could tell, or maybe he's just playing with me again, but he acted as if he was interested in me again. Like, he's saying, "Julie, I'm so sorry what I did to you. I want us to be an item. I want to be with you!" Yes, corny but that's the way it is. I wish I could have spent more time with him though. Stupid me, I went out with another group of different guys. My cousin's were also there and they told me that he looked jealous and sad that I was leaving with other guys. I kinda saw a little sad look on his face myself. I felt so bad. I wish I could have just told him. I wanted to be with him. GRRR. it was so damn hard for me! I came back that night from dancing at a Techno/Rave DJ party around 10:30 to 11:00 PM and he was still there by my side. I was really tired so I went out to sleep in the car. I told him to watch over me while I sleep because I was scared that something might happen, and he stayed outside in the dark just to watch over me! We even did more talking and he spent a lot of time with me.
Are these hints/clues that are telling me that he wants our relationship to build back up and maybe even go to the next step of actually dating???? 
haha... despite all the things that have happened between us through these passed few years, I still miss him a lot and I just can't get over it. Maybe this meeting meant something, maybe it didn't. I just can't find those special words to tell you of my feelings... So tell me, should I give it another try or is it just another game do you think???
I hate to say it because I don't know if these are the right feelings... But:
I LOVE HIM!
Or do you think that it's just infatuation???
Last edited by Ladi Jay on 06-03-2002 at 03:40 AM
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06-03-2002 03:33 AM
if i were u, i wud get all this out in the open.
