i sit here in the dark all by myself. my eyes have dried up...tired from all this crying. i try...not to think about...the series of event that made my night.
the love is gone..and what am i to do....my heart is missing. when i heard those word flow from his mouth...it triggered something in me.....tears started to trickle down my cheeks. A great pain surged through my body...leaving me emotionless. Oh god...i want to die
why couldnt any one understand how i felt...how much love i have for him....i became to involved...my world slowly formed around him...now that his gone...what am i to do... my heart aches for his sweet voice....the voice that my ears have become accomodated to....his arm muscular and strong...those arms i long for to protect me from this pain..emptiness has exchange with love
It hurts...hurts soo deep and soo hard...a sense of loss...like as if..a death of a family member...the essential missing piece to the puzzle...theres nothin i can do...but to cry...and cry...time gives no exception to regret.
this pain...anguish so heavily placed like a burdon upon my chest... as i sit here...past memories start to flood my mind....i cry...my vision is blured....so hard that i choke on my breath...weak i am becoming....my innocence lost....
why did he make it so difficult for me....he who know me best...is this punishment..for something i lack to notice...to see....loneliness sets in...and the strenght to move on..is far from my reach....
i lay on my bed...staring at the celling...watch the blades of the fan..go round and round.......thinking....i close my eyes ..take a deep breath...and hold it....the feelings of this pain...loss....lift from my body...but when i open my eyes...quick are they to return.....i sit up....looking at my hands....watching them in the mirror as i bring them up to my neck.....wrap them round...and squeeze tight...gone....those feelings...till i let go..and once again quick are they to return....i walk to the kitchen...looking for something...knife....anything....got it....clutching im my hands......hiding from who might see... i sit back on my bed.....with the knife in front of me..scared..what am i to do....i tremble and i lift my hand....exposing my wrist.....i push the knife..up against my virgin skin.....and as it slices through..raping my skin...i cant feel the pain...the signal to my brian have been numbed....instead of crying in pain....i sit watching my blood flow down my arm....thinking that all the pain and loss..flows as well...i lie back down my bed....and as i slowly weaken....and i dream.....dream of him...dream of us...and everything that could have become...im slipping away.... in total bliss in my mind..of an illusion...i want so much.....suddenly shatterd with alerted screams...panic....uncertenty...fills the air.....as i graps for my last breath i see...is his angelic face....whispers in my ears.... i love you... i love you..

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credits to huby40 !!!

It's reality, fuck it , it's everything but me...

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