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home.

i havent wrote in my journal for quite some time now, maybe sharing will help me start again. written on september 1, just after summer ended. i really like how this entry turned out, but youll have to know me somewhat to understand what i mean.

quote:

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It's cloudy when I wake up. Pretty cold. Looking around, the apartment is half empty. Today's the day I pack what is left of my belongings and leave for college. Parents are already in China. So here I am, finishing up the packing and cleaning.

I'm pretty tired from the six hour driving the day before to drop off my brother. It was pretty late at night when I came back actually. Around 3. No one here. No one to see. Just me. The stars. And the empty apartment.

I pick up my last pieces, package my belongings into boxes. I look outside. It looks about to rain. Drizzling now. I clean for the last time, before I make my leave.

Try to relive the memories here. It's pretty short actually. Nothing important to remember about. But then my life is like that. Moving here, moving there, until it all becomes meaningless. No one to talk to. No one to see. It's always like that. In the end, it's always the same.

It's not raining anymore. I can almost make out the sun over the clouds.

Don't know how I should feel. Leaving like this. Can't call this home. Lived here only for a year. Home is but a moving thing. Home will be college soon enough. Home will be something else later still. And again. And yet again. No sentimental feelings attached. Nothing.

Can't really say I have a home. Or that I ever had one. Sure, I've got parents. Sure, I've got siblings. But that's basically it. And even them, I don't connect. Hardly tell them anything. It's like I'm shutting myself off.

No home to welcome me here. Not there. Not anywhere. Just a passing stranger, that's all. That's all that I am. Here I come one day, hello, good day, how do you do. Here I go the next, good bye, and good luck to you too. Life's like that. When you are me.

So I am leaving now. Memories here, all insignificant now. There's a whole life to live ahead. A whole life to find my place. A whole life to find my home. And my drive to college, my drive alone. Just me, the stars, and the empty apartment.

‘Cept it ain't that short. Or the path that straight.

Life's like that. New people to meet. New people to know. New people to befriend. New people to say goodbye.

It's pouring now outside. But can't let little things stop me from my goal, my destination, my home. I get in the car and drive off, mindful of all the memories gone past.

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