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random ranting

I don't know exactly where this belongs but let's just keep it here... don't read unless you really wanna know
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Hoshie and I are going through so much right now… well, mostly Hoshie but it’s affecting our relationship too. I told him that no matter what he goes through, I want to go through it with him whether it be good or bad. I don’t know why but I don’t care if what he does hurts me… I’ve realized it’s apart of love. When one is in love, they are willing to do things no matter the consequences. He questioned me and it hurt a lot. He questioned why I love him so much… Is it that hard to know that you can be loved? Is it so hard to know that I love you? I’m so hurt that he questioned me yet I don’t want to say anything because I’ll hurt him. I always feel like I hurt him. For instance, when I want to leave him because I know I’m just making things worse, I can’t because I get the feeling that leaving will hurt him more. But when I stay, I know I hurt him. It’s like, no matter what I want to do, it’s not the right thing. I can’t seem to say the right thing… I try to change the subject and make him happy, yet I can’t do it. So I try to talk about it and that only makes it worse. See? Everything I do isn’t right. I feel like he’s hinting me to leave him. Maybe he doesn’t like me anymore… maybe he didn’t even love me. But that’s what happens right? I get myself into a relationship, help, then I’m out of the picture… not by my choice but his. I told him I love him before I left this morning… he hesitated to say it. Why would that not give me the feeling that he doesn’t love me? That he doesn’t want me anymore? That he wants me out of his life now? He doesn’t understand that I don’t care if he puts me through hell. I’m willing to go through it. I don’t care of I gain anything… as long as I’m with him… or at least helping him. I don’t care if I end up with nothing in the end. I just don’t care about anything. I want to be with him, but if not that, let me help him… He said I make him weak. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not. Good because that’ll keep him from doing unnecessary things (hopefully) but bad because he doesn’t like feeling weak so that makes me the bad person. Why does he make it so hard? Why can’t he just let go of what ever happened in the past and move on? I’ve learned to do that… maybe he needs to too. Holding onto the past is what makes people weak. No one is strong when they hold on to the past. That’s what keeps them down and a down person is weak. Let it go. Move on. No matter how bad it was, he needs to let it go. That’s what I’ve done and look at me? I’ve been treated like shit… my parents put me through hell… but I’ve learned to let it go. Sitting in the past and waiting for things to get better isn’t going to get anyone anywhere. It’s impossible. Move on. I hate being harsh but sometimes people just need advice that they don’t want to hear in order to understand. Read what I wrote, concentrate on it, comprehend it clearly, and then realize that you have to move on. Moving on doesn’t include death. It includes doing what’s best for you and the first step is moving on.
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am I stupid?

Re: random ranting

quote:

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Originally posted by Ladi Jay
I don't know exactly where this belongs but let's just keep it here... don't read unless you really wanna know

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__________________
ni pour ni contre; ça m'est égal

"The weight of this sad time we must obey,/ Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say./ The oldest hath borne most; we that are young/ Shall never see so much, nor live so long."
King Lear (V.3.300-304)

i think a strong person is someone who keeps the past always in mind. Forgetting and moving on does nothing, it gives the illusion of being strong when in fact you are a coward for running.

Let your past enrich you with strength. Sorry to hear about your situation julie. Many people have a hard time trying not to dwell upon things in the past. it is hard.

__________________
Long messages do not equal aggravation of any sort,
rather they reflect nothing more than a response of insight
that should always be read in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Those womyn that seek equality with men, lack determination."

"I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be wrong."
-Cromwell

if you were truly in love.... then you'd know what you HAVE to do.

__________________

xanga.com/an1_mixtape

wait wait... let me get this straight. Are you trying to give people a lesson on moving on? Because... you seem to not be moving on with your relationship even though you clearly realize that there are fatal flaws with it (nothing you do can make things any better... or that's what got from your rant). All that you are demonstrating to me is that the "battered wife syndrome" or whatever it's called exists (where even though women are abused, whether it be mentally or physically, they still stay with the men? Yea well i know what the condition is, just not what it's called.) and you are an example of it.

I... had... a friend who felt like she'd found the perfect guy (scoffs). For a couple of months things were apparently hunky dorie (haha). Then they started having problems that they couldn't solve. One day everything was all figured out, other days it was the same tension filled state. She pondered breaking up, they even took a break for... i dunno a week but according to her it was 2 months (scoffs). Yet for the last couple of months of their so called relationship, neither could let go (or from what i was told). Then they broke up. She says she is much happier now and he seems to be doing just fine.

Now i don't know the SPECIFICS of your relationship but seems like him "moving on" is what needs to be done. It wont' really solve anything. It'd probably be like covering shit with sand... it's still shit.

quote:

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Originally posted by MellowYellow
It'd probably be like covering shit with sand... it's still shit.

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__________________

xanga.com/an1_mixtape

hmm sounds like a hard situation .. if u think he wants u to leave him then why doesnt he just leave u ? if he says u make him weak and shit and it seems like hes unhappy then why hasnt he left u ? not saying its ur fault at all .. but im just sayin by the way u make him sound .. it seems like hes not THAT unhappy if he doesnt just up and leave .. unless he dont wanna hurt ur feelings .. i dunno .. maybe its meant to be maybe its not .. but u should share this with him if u havent already, maybe itll make things more clear

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its better to lose a lover, than to love a loser

I hope that everything works out. Good luck.