heres another journal entry of mine dated march 24.

quote:

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I saw a recent picture of that girl that I used to like for so long back in Taiwan - she didn’t change much – but I realized that she isn’t as pretty as I thought she was. In fact, if I were to have met her for the first time today, I don’t think I would have had the same feelings for her that I did back then. I’d go as far and say that she’s below average, appearance wise.

I’m pretty sad, because much of my idea of an ideal girl that I have is from her and who she was. I remember thinking a while ago whether or not she was the girl in my memories that i idealized, and even played around the idea that she probably wasn’t. But knowing now that she isn’t, isn’t a feeling too great.

I thought she was one of the prettiest girl I knew. In fact, she was the prettiest girl I knew back then. I guess it was because there weren’t many girls to begin with to compare, my grade only having 25 students. I didn’t really know what ‘pretty’ meant. Makes me wonder if I still don’t. I’ve been told by friends that I don’t know how to look, when it comes to girls. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m still lost; maybe I just don’t know enough girls, to know what pretty means.

I had a dream that following night. I was back in Taiwan. She was there too. But whereas my previous dreams about Taiwan were nostalgic, the mood was different this time. There was a sense of despair, of uneasiness and hesitance that kept lingering in my mind. I woke up strangely disturbed.

I wish I never saw that picture of her. Only then would I still be happy in my ignorance.

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dunno wat to say to something like that

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You know my first love was that way. I thought she was perfect...I thought she was everything I wanted. But she wasn't...and I realized that a long time after the 'separation,' you can call it. What weighed me down was my idea of who she became, though. I still had an image of her...and I think I overexagerated...made her prettier, her personality...made her more kind/gentle/funny/graceful...some things that made me hold on to her.

Perhaps this is where you and I differ, but I didn't really know her. After a long time, even after seeing her again, I realized I fell in love with an Ideal. The person I created in my head. egad...kind of makes me feel a little uneasy about love and things...but I'm glad I got that second look at her...I'm glad that that second chance to see her helped me understand that I've grown to love different aspects in women. I try not to make the same mistake in falling in love too quickly now. I think I'm on a tangent. But I hear you man, and I just want to say...I understand more and more everyday that my friends and I have different tastes in women...sure we agree that Catherine Zeta Jones is hot...but I don't agree that Penelope Cruz is beautiful...But I still know what pretty means. Whatever to me is pretty...well...is.

Even if you've not seen "many pretty girls," perhaps you're still refining your definition of pretty. I think I am. Actually, I know I am.

uoi, it's 3 a.m. ...I'm just lost in thoughts...

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quote:

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Originally posted by lostadonis
You know my first love was that way. I thought she was perfect...I thought she was everything I wanted. But she wasn't...and I realized that a long time after the 'separation,' you can call it. What weighed me down was my idea of who she became, though. I still had an image of her...and I think I overexagerated...made her prettier, her personality...made her more kind/gentle/funny/graceful...some things that made me hold on to her.

Perhaps this is where you and I differ, but I didn't really know her. After a long time, even after seeing her again, I realized I fell in love with an Ideal. The person I created in my head. egad...kind of makes me feel a little uneasy about love and things...but I'm glad I got that second look at her...I'm glad that that second chance to see her helped me understand that I've grown to love different aspects in women. I try not to make the same mistake in falling in love too quickly now. I think I'm on a tangent. But I hear you man, and I just want to say...I understand more and more everyday that my friends and I have different tastes in women...sure we agree that Catherine Zeta Jones is hot...but I don't agree that Penelope Cruz is beautiful...But I still know what pretty means. Whatever to me is pretty...well...is.

Even if you've not seen "many pretty girls," perhaps you're still refining your definition of pretty. I think I am. Actually, I know I am.

uoi, it's 3 a.m. ...I'm just lost in thoughts...

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__________________
"Truth transcends fact."

"Truth is not determined by how many people believe it."

"All the darkness in the world can not extinguish the light of a single candle."

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that's the only reason you liked her? you fool!


i'll share a story.. this is from my profile created about two years ago.. i keep forgetting i have this in my profile. random girls keep iming me wondering if i saw her again.


Name: It was just another summer day. I decided to spend it at my favorite pcbang wasting away the day by playing juvenile games just
Location: to satisfy the kid in me. I was busy with my little game when my stomach told me it ws feeding time. So I hopped on over to the local SUBWAY to make my stomach happy with a sub. I paid for my 12 inch sub and eagerly waiting to devour it, i walked
Marital Status: back to my second home not
Hobbies & Interests: worrying about anything except the noises of my hungry stomach. I was in the middle of crossing the busy korean street of Ft. Lee when i noticed someone in the corner of my eye. She was about 5' 8". Tall for a korean girl. But more like a
Favorite Gadgets: woman. She wore a baby blue sweater button with a floral skirt. She had her hair up and the wind seemed like it was dying to
Occupation: tug it just to see how it would look with her hair down. I was so engulfed by her beauty i almost got hit by a car.
Personal Quote: Embarassed, i ran back to my friends and raved about this beautiful woman i've seen at the local bakery. After that i wasnt really hungry. I have witnessed true beauty. I hope i see you again one day. And i hope this time the wind will win.-Sang C Park
Hometown HomePage: http://hometown.aol.com/kenversusryu/

i just copied n pasted.

if i see her again she'll prolly have a man voice or something... so i'll just keep her in my memory and chalk one for "beauty"

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quote:

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Originally posted by merc
"...falling in love too quickly..."
check yourself. make sure your not just dealing with infatuation.

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She was my first love. What can you say?!? I didn't know what I was expecting in my first love. And perhaps you've fallen into the trap of that "first love," but when you're there...experiencing it...everything seems to be perfect...nothing really matters...how fast you fall in love, how deep you fall in love...doesn't matter, because you're IN love. (my experience.)

Infatuation is just a part of it...I was just saying that it helped me realized not to fall in love again so quickly, and because of that, I know what I want in a "love/significant other."

I've fallen in love again...I wasn't rash about it either. It was a slow realization. I'm not the master of love...nor am I one to always fall for infatuation either.


*** Ken vs Ryu...beautiful story. heh heh. I've had those moments before. They're cherished.


::edited:: Oh, I hope it didn't seem like I fall in love easily now...that I've had many many "loves." Because I've not. I've had only two. Both of which...weren't my girlfriends. There's a long story to both of them...I could probably make a drama for each, as well. heh. nm.

Last edited by lostadonis on 04-18-2003 at 01:03 AM

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quote:

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Originally posted by KeN VeRsUs RyU
Name: It was just another summer day. I decided to spend it at my favorite pcbang wasting away the day by playing juvenile games just
Location: to satisfy the kid in me. I was busy with my little game when my stomach told me it ws feeding time. So I hopped on over to the local SUBWAY to make my stomach happy with a sub. I paid for my 12 inch sub and eagerly waiting to devour it, i walked
Marital Status: back to my second home not
Hobbies & Interests: worrying about anything except the noises of my hungry stomach. I was in the middle of crossing the busy korean street of Ft. Lee when i noticed someone in the corner of my eye. She was about 5' 8". Tall for a korean girl. But more like a
Favorite Gadgets: woman. She wore a baby blue sweater button with a floral skirt. She had her hair up and the wind seemed like it was dying to
Occupation: tug it just to see how it would look with her hair down. I was so engulfed by her beauty i almost got hit by a car.
Personal Quote: Embarassed, i ran back to my friends and raved about this beautiful woman i've seen at the local bakery. After that i wasnt really hungry. I have witnessed true beauty. I hope i see you again one day. And i hope this time the wind will win.-Sang C Park
Hometown HomePage: http://hometown.aol.com/kenversusryu/

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quote:

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Maybe I’m still lost; maybe I just don’t know enough girls, to know what pretty means.

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Lostadonis I know completely and unequivocally what you're going through. I entered into the relationship with my first love full of hope and pride. Now, after the 'separation' (which wasn't a clear-cut event, the worst kind) I have to re-evaluate what I look for in a partner, and in myself. Would I wish that I never met her? Maybe, but at the same time I consider it a crucial learning experience for me, both for my disillusionment and in the chance to share true happiness with someone else, no matter how brief it turned out to be.

__________________
"Wave of mutilation."
-The Pixies

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